The sign said
"wanted,
volunteers
for scientific study;
women
will be given
a dick for a day.
Confidential results."

It was hanging
in the women's
bathroom
of a penthouse
restaurant.
I read it
while I stuck
a maxi-pad
in my underpants.

"Call 1-800-YOR-DICK"
That's all it said.
"Call 1-800-YOR-DICK
My date
was seated
at a window table
for two,
talking
on a cellular phone.

I sat down
and it rang.
It was his wife.
He winked at me
told her
he was working
and hung up.
I picked up
and dialed
1-800-YOR-DICK.

"Yor Dick.
How may I help you?"
"You're giving out
dicks?"
"Small
medium
or large?"
"Medium
but is that all?"

"Circumcised?"
"No,
I mean
what do you want
from me?"
"You return it
in twenty four
hours with
a full report."

"When
can I pick it up?"
"You can come
right away.
My date asked
"Who
are you
talking
to?"

"Your wife",
I said.
"Your dick
will be waiting."
I took the last sip
of my aperitif
and told my date
to go home
and eat pussy pie.

"But what
is a woman
like you
going to do
with a dick?"
"I don't know
but I'm going
to pick up
my dick."

The box
was big
and heavy.
I carried my dick
on the subway
in my bag
and brought
him home
with me.

I locked
the door
and stripped.
I picked up my dick
looked in the mirror
and saw
one hard dick
with balls
between my thighs.

I took him
in my hands
and started
pumping
as I knew
how to do.
This was new.
This was wild
and weird.

The phone rang.
I answered.
It was
my date's wife.
"I found
your number
in his pants.
I know
he's there."

"He's not here",
I told her.
"But I have
something
even better
and I know
how
to use it.
Wanna come over?"

She took a taxi.
I answered
the door.
She was wearing
a mini-skirt.
My dick
got hard.
I offered her
a drink.

I wondered
if her
pussy
was tighter
than mine.
My dick
got harder.
I put him
in her hands.

She admired
him.
He stood up
and pointed
her way.
She hiked up
her miniskirt
and jumped
on for a ride.

My dick
started dripping
sweet nectar
like
a breast
bursting
with milk.
I yanked him
out.

Semen squirted
all over
the mirror.
"That was
quick",
said
my date's wife.
My dick
shrank.

Suddenly
I
was sleepy.
She lit
a cigarette
Someone knocked
at my door.
I answered it.
It was my date.

"What
are you doing
with my wife?"
"I fucked her
and now
I'm through
with her.
I have to
get up early."

I didn't see
his knee
but I felt
it hit
my balls.
He pulled her
out the door
and I crawled
to my bed.

In my dreams
I punched him
and fucked
his wife.
She moaned
and begged
for mercy.
I came
on my sheets.

My dick
rose
with the sun.
I took
a cold shower
and decided
today
I would ask
for a promotion.

I bought
a new suit,
three pieces,
on my way
to work.
I went straight
to my boss.
I didn't
waste words.

"It's time
for you
to promote
me",
I said.
"We already
discussed
this."
He said.

"But now
I have
a dick",
I said.
"What
are you
talking about?"
He laughed
at me.

"Let's go
and pee together.
I'll prove it
to you."
When he saw
my dick
we peed together.
He promoted me
right there.

I felt good,
so I fucked
my secretary
on my desk
for an hour.
I visited
the men's room
frequently
to do business.

By the time
I returned
my dick
I had
passwords, percs
and pertinent
information
I had never
even dreamed of.

I didn't need
my dick
anymore.
I kissed
him fondly
good-bye
and stuck
a fresh maxi-pad
in my underpants.

Epilogue:

I got
the results
in the mail.
Apparently
most women
know exactly
what to do
with a dick
for a day.

A few
never returned
their dicks,
moved away
from family
and friends,
and are assumed
to be passing
as men.

Senator Sin
February 10, 1982